I do think, i strongly believe that God talks to me. I am his/her favourite if not his only child. Because i have heard people meditate for hours at a time. I am not good at it, i sit for 5 mins. But my God, talks to me the moment i close my eyes. Thank you god!
For the past couple of days i was very upset. Upset in general. No, not in general. I am not happy in my married life. I am upset for that. For a long time, i was thinking when will my husbands time be up? in 10 years, or 15 years? He is a fat unhealthy person, who eats unhealthy food anyways. How long can he live? He is also a very scared and miser person. He is not living at all. He is simply lying on the couch and breathing. Thats all he is doing. I had this thought that i can start living once he dies, he will leave behind his precious savings, which he won't touch or even put in fixed deposit for the fear that he might need it suddenly. Yesterday i had this thought that i should find work and leave him. Thats was much short term than waiting for him to die. But you know, in my circle, and the world that i have seen so far, widow or divorcee are not treated very well. The same pestering people will be around me, who are not showing themself up because i am neither of them now. Once i am in that situation then all these people will pop up from everywhere. Seriously, sick people.
Anyways, i was mediating today morning, actually i just closed my eyes and God told me, that i am a pretty strong person as such. I am complete by myself. So god couldn't choose another nice person to live with me, otherwise it would hinder with my personality. You know who partners complete each other. What could complete an almost whole? Almost nothing! exactly. Thats what he did. Thats why he is choosen to me my partner. And the fact that i am constantly thinking and getting worried about it is a waste of energy. I think that i can fix a situation which i think god made a mistake. Ha ha ha. I am so silly. Nothing is a mistake, this design is perfect for me, designed with ample of love for me. Like just the right training gears and obstacles in the gym designed for me. How luxurious, to have the entire gym designed for me. And now, i have this entire world designed for me. Is it even a bit ok, to complain about it. No no no no! Not at all fair. Say thank you to god for taking care of you so much and walk towards the exit. You will reach there sooner if you resist.
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