skipping interview tomorrow

Long time i posted here, I have been for a roller coaster ride till now.
MIL, Office... everything is so bad. When im at home im dying to go to office. when at office im dying to go home. no where no go.
I have taken a sudden break, went to my place when my dad came here. i just took off.  And little better now.
With MIL, seems like we are now agreeing not to agree. we came to peace with that one. Bitch is quite these days. fuck her still.
Tomorrow i have an interview with oracle, and im freaking out so much, that now i have decided not to go.
I will prepare for some more time. :( as im studying more n more, my heart beat was pumping more and more, n felt like fainting. i think i cant handle this. what if i faint there. i will take some more time,  prepare a stratergy and they take it little slowly.

Nothing worked for me, me calming my mind. trying to calm her. nothing worked and nothing was defenalty fun.
so i have new trick for this week, yes a new mission... youuu hoooo...
And this one is to irritate my MIL. so much fun. when i talk she make faces. lets enjoy this. im going to talk more to her, so that she would make face, n im going to enjoy it... doesnt it sound fun...
get set go.... :D

Chat with a friend

Today, i had a chat with this friend of mine. he is bit of a spiritual, and we often find ourself discussing such stuff. today i told him that my mind is wandering and like thinking stuff like garbage, so much that i m worried about it now. then he told me, how im to the path of realizing the higher me. i identified my problem that is half the solution. now i have to work towards it. meditation...
he told many metaphor also -
1. when u ride a roller-coaster, you feel very happy, why? because those few mins all your thought, the garbage thoughts vanish. and the real self is free from the thoughts. and the true self is always happy. we have find it and connect with it.
2. if universe is a person as a whole, then god is the mind and we are like each part, say hand. the problem arises when hand starts to think and make its own decision and everything is a mess. believe in the supreme power and everything will be in order.
3. Dog as a pet is so happy, because it dont think. its only we who complicate things, by cluttering our mind.
4. Einstein said - God is real, everything else is detail. we needn't concentrate on it.
5. All  the religion esentially teach us how to stop clutting our mind and bring out the real self. our thoughts are not us. we need to seperate our thoughts from us, and see our self as different from those thoughts.
6. A camera cant claim to be a movie. camera is a mere tool to capture a movie. out mind is a mere tool for thoughts. our mind is a tool. it is not good or bad. its thought that is good or bad. and we are the master of the tool

God, i get angry so easily, and my BP shoots up.
My MIL have this amazing talent to turn a good happy laughing situation to a uneasy, unformatable one. Bitch!!! God i hate her.

So, I'm blogging after a long time, which means i was happy and busy for 4 days. because i went out of station - to my moms place. And i came back yesterday, and Bitch is still giving me cold looks, why would she do that? she can smile, at others but not to me. but u know what, when i went home i saw how my dad's behavior, man he would beat my MIL, had she be a women. his attitude towards my mom and brother is so shocking. i mean he is from a same family. he is a dad, a husband. how will a person feel if the dad or husband is too cold. in that matter my MIL is just 50% of that, he is that cold towards them. pathetic. the grass is not green that that side either. things are bad every where.

but man, still i couldn't tolerate this bitch. her high pitched nagging voice is uuuuffff... too much to take. her cold look, sometime, well not sometimes, always, i feel like slapping me. knocking her head so hard with a iron bar like they show in movies.

i feel sick sometimes, for storing up this much of hatred and anger in heart. i need a vent or diversion for this. i feel sick. take some somewhere far off this place. keep me busy.