I miss a shoulder

Im finding hard to accept my husband, being so... useless, passing on responsibility to others, blaming me for every small problem he has to face. Today i was reminded of one day. After 1.5 years my daughter was born he had the first oppertunity to come to doctor for her vaccination. When needle prepration was going on, he got nervous and he said he will wait outside, he cant see this.
Where is my support system???? I need a shoulder to fall back. I miss it. I miss it so much.

Jee main aatha hai tere daman mein Sar jukha ke hum, rothe rahe.. rothe rahe

God, i dont know what I want. My mind is so sad, yearning for something that i didnt wanted.
Why we hate what we have and always yearn for something that we dont.
God, listening to old hindi songs should probably be banned for me.

Deep pain. For no reason.