Fell in love with my company again today

Today i went to office, thinking i would prepare technically. and i must say my day was awesome.
i love my company ambiance. i went to main campus and sat here n there, the fresh air, the greenery trees, and specially birds chipping. and since today was visitors day all age people around the campus with happy mood. today was revitalizing day for me. i was quite, watching the technical video, enjoying the ambiance and lost myself to the serenity. like i had a date with myself. loved today. i should do this often, even when i dont feel like reading technical, i should pick some light reading stuff and head to campus on Saturday once in a while. best break from all the negative environment around me.

Kids taught me how passion leads to success

Today i watched a reality show of kids dance, i for every kid my eyes were getting watery. Every kid was doing so good. mind of a kid is so fresh and socked with passion. when people are in that mind state success will come automatically. im trying to learn technical stuff, which is not a big deal because these days every thing spoon fed in you tube. and im not passionate enough. when we want success like a person needing oxygen who is inside water for few minutes. 

One down and another one On

My MIL has stopped being an ass. She stopped blowing me off. when i talk or ask her anything she is responding these days. something is really fishy here. what has changed her? its such a puzzle.
Now when i have accepted her being an ass. as a matter of fact, i starting thinking this way -  the more she is unhappy with me, the less the time she is gonna stay with me. so every time she would blew me away - though it did hurt, but inner self consulted me saying its only for the better tomorrow. and that's the plan. things are going as per plan.
Remember i blogged about it (it my other blog) how to solve the most pressing problem for me. and this came up. and after detail analysis, i came to the solution that, nothing can improve the situation. so i have to get rid of her some how. and the way things are going on, it will happen automatically,i don't have to worry about it. but this bitch is keeping me on my toes.
well, i still want her out of my house, and hopefully she will leave. lets hope for the best.

There is another problem now. i knew this would pop up the minute the pressing problem goes down. its my husband stupidity. i feel like we both belong to different generation. 5 years shouldn't make such a difference, but he is a ass. holding tight on age old belief and taking me also down. so, we are not able to decide which house to buy. u know what he is not a good guy. he seems so sweet and soft from outside. but he don't care about anyone. he tries to live an easy life while others work for him. there are things that he never did in his entire life like changing bulb, or locking the door for that sake. and the reason he gives is that he don't know. i mean how more a guy can be a girl than this? there is a huge list that he don't know. he don't know where things are kept in the house - plate for example. he don't know how to do a simple calculation. the other day i was with him when we have to calculate the area of the apartment. he gave it to me. so easy. i really don't care to even try, to learn. he is such an ass. the other day we were playing a game - we have to count, but the trick is we have to do it in two languages - and alternate the languages. so, my husband was counting and was watching/judging. it was hard to concentrate - so i was like OK - odd number one language and even number one language. and suddenly i realized that the order switched. so, i stopped him and said he must have gone wrong somewhere, coz the order has changed. u know he couldn't understand the logic that i was talking here. so so so dumb. heights. plz don't say that he finished his engineering. looks like a b.com guy to me, who works like an office boy.
out of all the guys i had to marry this loser. man i keep repenting the day i said yes to this guy.
if only i can go back to that day.

Best Day Ever!!!!

WOW!!! What a day it was, i didnt see this coming today. When i got up in the morning it was like any other boring day.
1. Morning My husband spoke well to me after a long time, and i spoke to him also.
2. My MIL didnt stare back at me when i said good bye while leaving. I knew something is fishy today at this point itself.
3. My project manager called me to say that i will be moved to another development project by May starting.
4. I had a lovely lovely chat with the tech arch. it was so nice i must say. simply superb. it was like putting cool ointment over the wound.
5. I had a great chat with the philosopher friend. it opened up all the narrow mind.
6. I came late today, and my husband called and said to call my MIL and inform her. :S well, i was shit scared about it and i said to myself so, this is how a happy day can end. but when i called her, her voice was not harsh, she just said ok in a nice way and hung up. I'm actually pinching myself to check it what im writing down is true, and im not dreaming.

i noted down the chat i had with the tech arch. for record sake i will copy it here -



12:52 PM  ME:
Hey..
what r u doing still?

12:52 PM  TECH ARCH
hi

12:52 PM  ME:
go to sleep...

12:52 PM  TECH ARCH
how are you
working ofcourse

12:52 PM  ME:
browsing wikipedia?

12:52 PM  TECH ARCH
sure
no
working hard

12:53 PM  ME:
acho cho...

12:53 PM  TECH ARCH
i am incharge of a big multi channel implementation
so, no time to sleep

12:53 PM  ME:
multi channel implemetation..

12:53 PM  TECH ARCH
yeah, we are doing a hybris implementaiton for a childrens clothing client

12:53 PM  ME:
indhe peru solarthuke yenaku oru naal agum...

12:54 PM  TECH ARCH
all kinds of cross channel, ecommerce, oms, wms etc etc

12:54 PM  ME:
ok , u carry on. i dont want to disturb u..
hope things will go smooth..

12:54 PM  TECH ARCH
if we had done this for limited, we would have done this for 4 years and charged them 50 million dollars
sure, thanx
no disturbance, i like talking to you
inbetween relaxation
how is ur spring studies coming along

12:58 PM  ME:
good..
as n when i reading, i learn how much more i have to read..
its like never ending thing..

1:02 PM  TECH ARCH
yes
just pick what you need and go with you
how are your parents
and husband

1:04 PM  ME:
all r good here..

1:04 PM  TECH ARCH
how is ur brother doing

1:05 PM  ME:
ya in final year now..

1:05 PM  TECH ARCH
what is his newest fad

1:05 PM  ME:
fad?

1:05 PM  TECH ARCH
latest fashion

1:05 PM  ME:
ha ha.. u have seen him?

1:08 PM  TECH ARCH
yes, i saw him in your marriage
unga veetu hero

1:08 PM  ME:
he have apple ipad now..
my father got him..
he is playing games in it all the time..
i told him to delete games from it, as final semesters are approching..
it is a big time waste

1:08 PM  TECH ARCH
cool
lucky guy

1:09 PM  ME:
i know..
he have all possible gadgets..

1:09 PM  TECH ARCH
he looks just like your male version though

1:09 PM  ME:
ha ha ha.. ya, we have a lot in common..

1:09 PM  TECH ARCH
like what
other than looks and smartness

1:10 PM  ME:
thank you thank you..

1:10 PM  TECH ARCH
is he also funny like you

1:10 PM  ME:
he is a lot cooler than me
once i lost my bag in local train

1:11 PM  TECH ARCH
hard to imagine, but he does look cool

1:11 PM  ME:
it had some clothes in it..
and i was upset..
he told me, just think like u donated it to some needy ppl
it will reach some needy ppl anyway..
he speaks less in terms of phylosophy..
but he makes lots of sense, in just few words..
sometimes i feel ashmaed of having such a narrow mind..

1:13 PM  TECH ARCH
oh
yeah, may be you should feel good for losing your bag
but, feeling bad does not help either
but, all we are, are a mixed bag of feelings

1:14 PM  ME:
ha ha.. yes..
im little low in emotions..

1:14 PM  TECH ARCH
why do you say that

1:14 PM  ME:
i dont have much feeling as such..

1:15 PM  TECH ARCH
interesting

1:15 PM  ME:
i dont know, im like that..
once i read a book on emotions

1:15 PM  TECH ARCH
every one have strong feelings on some situations
not every one feels the same way
like i dont cry watching sad movies
does not mean i am not emotional

1:16 PM  ME:
me too... not much..

1:16 PM  TECH ARCH
esp, with nostalgic situations, people close to you etc, you are bound to get emotional

1:16 PM  ME:
yes yes, but i dont admit it..

1:16 PM  TECH ARCH
its ok
but, admit it to atleast a small set of people
dont have to admit to everyone

1:17 PM  ME:
ok, i will tell u about the book..

1:17 PM  TECH ARCH
that is why you have friends
sure,

1:17 PM  ME:
its called roller coster of emotions..

1:17 PM  TECH ARCH
which book is it

1:17 PM  ME:
it explains biologically why each feeling exists

1:18 PM  TECH ARCH
cool
why does it exist

1:18 PM  ME:
like happyness, sadness, jelousy, etc
there were 9 emotions... explained in details

1:19 PM  TECH ARCH
ok

1:19 PM  ME:
they did lot of experements. and the results were shared in that book..
like happiness...

1:19 PM  TECH ARCH
ok
what is the crux of this book

1:19 PM  ME:
when u r happy u smile..
at the same time, when u smile.. u will feel happy

1:20 PM  TECH ARCH
apparently all this is driven by harmones and driven by a biological need to survive and reproduce

1:20 PM  ME:
its vis a versa
excatly..

1:20 PM  TECH ARCH
i knew, everything eventually gets tied back to this
it is trivializing but with good sense

1:21 PM  ME:
interesting was disgust feeling..
it is there so that we can avoid poisonous food from eating..

1:22 PM  TECH ARCH
wow
you know so much, it is sometimes astonishing

1:22 PM  ME:
i used to read some wierd books..
gives me a nice point of view on ordinary things

1:23 PM  TECH ARCH
makes sense

1:23 PM  ME:
like once i said, freakonomics..
u said u watched the movie of it..

1:24 PM  TECH ARCH
i saw the move, yes
it was interesting
some of the points they mentioned was very true also
i must read this book on emotions though

1:25 PM  ME:
nice..
u can download from torrent i guess.

1:25 PM  TECH ARCH
coz, i also sometimes feel, i have low emotions, may be this will help me understand wht it is

1:25 PM  ME:
http://books.google.co.in/books?id=fTio56YfIkUC&dq=roller+coaster+of+emotions&hl=en&sa=X&ei=G4qGT8ODK4zjrAeCqsWtBg&ved=0CDYQ6AEwAA

1:25 PM  TECH ARCH
sure
did you buy the book

1:26 PM  ME:
ha ha.. welcome to my boat..
i did, but i think ilost it.. didnt see it from a long time..
must have lend it to someone..

1:26 PM  TECH ARCH
ok
what did you learn from it
do you think you have become too rational to be emotional
like sheldon cooper from big bang theory

1:27 PM  ME:
i learnt that,its ok not to be emotional in this age..
as most of the things are not valid for a human..

1:28 PM  TECH ARCH
ok
what are not valid for a human

1:28 PM  ME:
im not able to recollect stuff from the book..
like disgust is not valid now

1:29 PM  TECH ARCH
ok

1:29 PM  ME:
we wont eat any insect anyway..
we know which is food and which is not..
on the similar line.. there is concept called engrams

1:30 PM  TECH ARCH
oh

1:30 PM  ME:
which helps keep animals from danger..

1:30 PM  TECH ARCH
bad smelly thing right

1:30 PM  ME:
and it is a big set back for human from success..

1:31 PM  TECH ARCH
oh

1:31 PM  ME:
no it some mental .... picture..

1:31 PM  TECH ARCH
ok

1:31 PM  ME:
in our subconsiousness.
i read it one of the 'how to be success ful book'

1:31 PM  TECH ARCH
cool
how did you get so much interest in reading

1:32 PM  ME:
may be from my father... but u shouldnt be impressed by this.,,
i should be learning from u..

1:33 PM  TECH ARCH
what am i doing except work
i wish i could be like you
always happy

1:33 PM  ME:
no no u memorized the whole wikipedia..

1:33 PM  TECH ARCH
not really

1:33 PM  ME:
u r too good in history n stuff..

1:34 PM  TECH ARCH
it is a life time of interest gathered over a period of time

1:34 PM  ME:
remember u once spoke about quaker oats

1:34 PM  TECH ARCH
i have general interest in history
what did i speak

1:35 PM  ME:
ha ha, reverse KT?
that day i got my new voice recorder..

1:35 PM  TECH ARCH
its ok, i actually forgot

1:35 PM  ME:
and it was recorded in it..

1:35 PM  TECH ARCH
cool
was that not about spices or something

1:35 PM  ME:
that it was from a group of ppl - from germany i guess..
they wear tall hats..

1:36 PM  TECH ARCH
yes correct
that was about corn flakes not oats

1:36 PM  ME:
topic started on honey bunch

1:36 PM  TECH ARCH
quakers were a minority religious group that came up with corn flakes
correct
exactly
now, i remember

1:37 PM  ME:
:)

1:37 PM  TECH ARCH
too much, how did you even remember

1:37 PM  ME:
i heard it recently when i was getting board..

1:37 PM  TECH ARCH
and you know what, i talk such things only with very few people and one of them is you

1:38 PM  ME:
that talk was interesting..

1:38 PM  TECH ARCH
:)

1:38 PM  ME:
wish u had talk something techincal also, i would have learnt something

1:38 PM  TECH ARCH
ennamo ponga
may be sometime

1:39 PM  ME:
it must be getting very late for u..
its 1.39 here
whats time there?

1:39 PM  TECH ARCH
yeah, need to crash
1 09
pacific time zone

1:40 PM  ME:
cool...
not much... than i expected..
ok... bye bye..

1:40 PM  TECH ARCH
anyway, catch you later

1:40 PM  ME:
very nice talking to u..

1:40 PM  TECH ARCH
thanks for the chat
bye

Another happy moment today

So, it was a normal day. earlier today MIL spoke well today, n i couldn't take it. so i blogged about it. but i guess it came to normal in the night. so as usual, no one was talking to me in this house and i was dreading for the day to end, so that i get to get out of here tomorrow morning (office).
I asked MIL if i have to do something for dinner, and the familiar cold reply came. so i went back to study. and FIL had left now. we had dinner. and MIL had dinner and she hid her face from me, while eating, awkward - she stood, turned and started eating. i didn't understand. but i didn't care. and then i realized she might be crying. you have no idea, the only happy news for me in this entire long weekend. the only time i felt like smiling, i was gleaming actually. i have very little food today, but im feeling very full. heart content.

A pleasant surprise.

Today the MIL spoke normally. i mean, there was less ego. it was like the end of one week program that i did, where i spoke normally to her for one week, no matter how she reacted. as if i was new to her. and didnt have any idea of how she will snub me.
today i didnt try doing anything like that. i just gave up, and tried doing what i should be doing, and frankly got used to her cold stares and talk. but suddenly out of blue she spoke normally.
when i went to kitchen and asked what can i do as usual, and expecting a cold stare or a cold silence from her, she said - dont know what to cook. i was about to faint there. i was like, helloe, u r not supposed to talk to me, u forgot?
may be my FIL came and he must have said something to her, like my husband keeps telling things to me.

Yes, it is good thing. but its too late now. i dont want this now. i have made up my mind of getting rid of her. she will never change, no matter what, she will be d same. and i dont want anymore drama.
it like u wash a dog, put on clothes to him and server food in gold plate, it will still bark. there are something that no one can change, basic character. and her basic character is beyond repair. i gave up hope of ever liking her and staying with her. im getting rid of her. get lost bitch. i dont need u. And dont try to put up with me. go back to ur old bitchy behavior.