Very angry today. I had to hit my daughter and she was crying a lot. I feel terrible for turning into a monster. I think i am fixing my relationship with my husband but taking out my frustration out on my daughter and in turn spoiling my relationship with her and also more importantly turning her into a scared little person. She should grow up to be a brave, bold and self assured person. Not a timid person.
I am just paranoid that if i start to work, then i will fall back in the same rut again, trying to do all the work myself. Morning work is something that i want to get rid of, don't want to reach office all tired in the morning. I want my husband to take morning duties responsibilities. I am just scared he wont do that. and i am scared we will fight again.
But girl, you have lots of time for that. First you should get a job, till then you should be studying in peace. You don't want to sacrifice your peace at home right now for distance peace. Work you have to and will do anyways, there is no alternative for it. Use this time to study and upgrade your skills. I am very confident that i can fix that small problem as well. My husband is good at heart, must be a bit lazy and tries to push work over to me, but not cunning or wicked or evil, glad about that. this trait i can manage and work around. When you go to work, situation might be different, it is work from home for a long time now. so things will be very different, you can plan for it then, when the situation needs you and your husband can negotiate it well. i am sure. and you also improved you capacity to do house work. and your daughter improved a lot in many aspects, just few aspects she is lagging and will improve very quickly before you realize. what part of child will be left in her, if she is able to do every thing by herself and acts as a grownup? Relax, this is the best time of your life, everything is just prime for your enjoyment, and things would start to turn downhill in some time. If you are complaining now, imagine what you will do in tough times? So, relax, and thank god for everything that he has given you. Trust in his plan and the right thing will happen in the right time.
Chatted with my friends for moral support and got these advice:
Girl#1:
One step at a time dear
Ur next goal is aws, we will worry about job , work life balance that this and all later
U have managed so many tough situation before , this work life balance will be a cake walk
Why worry about something in the future
Just go with the flow
And don't feel bad for scolding or beating Tanisha
It happens
Sometimes kids r naughty and as parents , we elders will react ...there is no right or wrong way of parenting and you r doing a great job
Don't take too much tension and put lot of stress on urself
Keep job search goal from Jan beginning
U have three months
Take it slow and don't get frustrated..I know it's easy for me to say. Sometimes I snap at Shishir because of all the stress and tension and things not moving but now I realise it and trying to change...there is no one who can help us, only us
When we as adults r so easily frustrated n impatient, imagine kids
Whatever happened, happened
U cannot change the past
When Tanusha comes , pamper her and say sorry for being so angry at her and tell her ur situation in simple words and ask her to help u reach ur goal
May be she will understand it better
And make something nice for her
U r a inspiration to many without even realising and whatever the future holds, u will handle it ....now just take one step at a time
Ur focus now is aws and family day to day activities
That's all
Don't worry about their emotions too
Keep it aside
And don't worry about ur emotions too
They can wait to be analysed later
Girl#2:
