Today's 2 mins meditation taught me

 I do think, i strongly believe that God talks to me. I am his/her favourite if not his only child. Because i have heard people meditate for hours at a time. I am not good at it, i sit for 5 mins. But my God, talks to me the moment i close my eyes. Thank you god!

For the past couple of days i was very upset. Upset in general. No, not in general. I am not happy in my married life. I am upset for that. For a long time, i was thinking when will my husbands time be up? in 10 years, or 15 years? He is a fat unhealthy person,  who eats unhealthy food anyways. How long can he live?  He is also a very scared and miser person. He is not living at all. He is simply lying on the couch and breathing. Thats all he is doing. I had this thought that i can start living once he dies, he will leave behind his precious savings, which he won't touch or even put in fixed deposit for the fear that he might need it suddenly. Yesterday i had this thought that i should find work and leave him. Thats was much short term than waiting for him to die. But you know, in my circle, and the world that i have seen so far, widow or divorcee are not treated very well. The same pestering people will be around me, who are not showing themself up because i am neither of them now. Once i am in that situation then all these people will pop up from everywhere. Seriously, sick people. 

Anyways, i was mediating today morning, actually i just closed my eyes and God told me, that i am a pretty strong person as such. I am complete by myself. So god couldn't choose another nice person to live with me, otherwise it would hinder with my personality. You know who partners complete each other. What could complete an almost whole? Almost nothing! exactly. Thats what he did. Thats why he is choosen to me my partner. And the fact that i am constantly thinking and getting worried about it is a waste of energy. I think that i can fix a situation which i think god made a mistake. Ha ha ha. I am so silly. Nothing is a mistake, this design is perfect for me, designed with ample of love for me. Like just the right training gears and obstacles in the gym designed for me. How luxurious, to have the entire gym designed for me. And now, i have this entire world designed for me. Is it even a bit ok, to complain about it. No no no no! Not at all fair. Say thank you to god for taking care of you so much and walk towards the exit. You will reach there sooner if you resist.

My mind is constantly unhappy, and my face is getting droopy. Top 5 quick mood lift.

 Yes there are problems, may be bigger problems than i can actually put them in words so it doesnt look justified to be sad over such small problem per se. But at the end, i am the looser. I am the one constantly being sad, and my face is being drooped off. What to do? how to fix it, how to change my state of mind like a click of my finger. right click and change the background. Right now it is a gloomy background and all the work that i try to do is very inefficient, how to fix it. Change the back ground and everything with change for good. Have to turn my mind to be positive, how to do it. Common girl, snap out of it. 

ok, quick mood lift : 5 things i like about my husband:

1. He came to Australia and i am not stuck in the house with my mother in law. A big plus point that i should always be grateful for.

2. He is not evil, i have know many evil person and their wicked minds. I am glad he is not a wicked person. Good person, with a good heart.

3. Even though he is lazy and incapable, it is for my advantage. I know lot of men who are macho and know it all, and the amount of insult they do on women in every chance they get. Oh horrible, i am glad he don't get any chance to insult me, because i am comparatively smarter than him. Also active than him. So there is no chance for him to put me down. That is a bog plus.

4. He is not lazy for career, he had struggle to learn new things initially, but now learning became his habit. He continuously learns. Which is good because then he is not stuck in his career and hence getting upset and spoiling our relationship, a downward spiral.

5. He likes tanusha, and is a good dad, than saying I will not take care of her, it is your responsibility.

Slowly girl, the change you want to bring in will come very very slowly, don't snap out. Is not the situation now is much better than the situation few years back, definitely! then these situation will also change, just give some time to breath. He will change, don't push too hard to break him. God, you will be making a horrible mother in law!

Not just that, you should give him a chance to fee good about himself too, to improve. If you keep criticising him then what is his motivation to improve? Nurture him and he will grow into a pretty flower.