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My problems:
1. I hate MIL and she hates me.
2. My salary is unbelievably low and over due from promotion.
3. POS - health
4. Over weight, double chin.
5. My tech knowledge is very bad.
6. No assertive skill.
7. Bad in planning and estimation.
8. Bad leadership and team work ship
9. Under eye
10. 

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So, like tomorrow is 2012, and i take new year resolution every year. today is the last day of 2011, and im not in a mood of think about new year resolution. ofcourse this shows how my thinking has degraded. shame on me.
i will come up with a new and really nice new year resoultion... 

Hi

Ya ya, so I hate my mil and she hates me back. You all know that. Nothing is new and nothing has changed. Today I want to say something else. My aunt came down from Canada last month and will fly back next month. I have to go n see her. My husband asshole hates it when I have to go home. Way d fuck s his problem man. Clearly he don't love me that much that be can't stay without me. If there is no such thing as sex he would have not even bothered about me. Men And their weird needs.

So, FIL went and nothing happened. But i can still see MIL crumbling/ mumbling from inside.
As if she is biting her teeth and tolerating me... Oh plzzzz Excuse me for trobling u.

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killing MIL should be made legal

What now?

So MIL is sick. i don't know what, but i call it the weekend sickness.
All most every weekend, i get caught in house and its like a torture for 2 days.
you may not come across many people who hate weekend. HI, I'm one of them. i just couldn't stand weekend. i hate it, i mean 2 days are really really long time to stay at home with MIL.
so, weekend sickness is my MIL falls sicks, at least pretends to fall sick, and does a whole lot of stupid work like shifting glass from one place to another. ya she does work, like washes all the damn clothes, jeans that people has worn only once. and towels and all sort of crap. (with hand) and then she would keep wiping floor, kitchen top, stove  and all crap.
then moving of the glass is always there.
for me, i would feel like there is no clothes to wash, floor is clean, and obviously the glass is good where it is.
so it would be like i would be sitting in living room and she would be working her ass off.
MAN i feel so angry, u know why, because she is trying to make me feel guilty.
And excuse me, I'm expert in it. i have done it scores of time to other people. this trick wont work on me. but man i know her intention and feel like slapping her so hard and her cheek bone should crack.
so, she was very sick yesterday (Sunday) and my BIL came home very late i don't know when, definitely after 11.30 or 12. we both slept.
my MIL had to open the door, coz the poor creature sleeps in the living room.
and its cold, and she is sick. would any sane person get up early in morning to make breakfast and lunch for us? but my MIL is not a sane person. she made full fledged breakfast and lunch. and milk for morning.
i just want to kick her ass.
i was so angry with her in the morning that till the time i reached office i was fuming.
and then i forgot about her by getting involved in the days task.
and then my anger reduced and i was thinking if i should leave early.
i felt like giving one more try... i would come home, and ask her if there is anything to shopped for, and then if i can make dinner. yes, there is very high chance she would blow me off. but i have trying all these days constantly.
And when i came knocked the door, she opened, i asked her if i have to buy anything? she smiled and said no. Huh? Smile? where did that come from? bummer!!!
But then i say my FIL lying down in the couch.
hell, i was scared. i felt like these two would gang upon me tonight and have all planned out.
but then feeling soon vanished, not because they did something nice, but because i realized that im married. well, nothing worst can happen. im so in the rock bottom, that if at all anything can happen now, it had to be for good. big or small. so my smile came back to me.
also, i was so awaiting to bitch about her in my blog.
finally i had a vent to let it all out.
i'm little anxious still, what might happen tonight, or till he leaves...
All iz well...

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Or may be its just me. like... when i had to call my manager to ask for leave, i would feel so scared. i take so much time to make that call, even though i know nothing bad is going to happen.
i get the same feeling when i had to talk to my  MIL. that wet hands, pounding heart,that feeling that i need an escape route.

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Well, my MIL washes my UGs. i mean, i dont want her to do to, for god's sake.
i can wash clothes in washing machine. but she is an anti technology dumb old fashoined bitch.
she thinks she is too good, she cant never do anything wrong. and she is, god, so proud of her self.
you should listen to her talk (about anything) she will somehow end up boasting about herself, and also without fail will insult you. God i hate her so much. i never hated anybody in my entire life so much.
these days im washing my UGs with hand after every bath. i hate doing it. i mean how easy it would be to put in a laudry bag and dump it in the washing machine at the end of the week.
Good for nothing MIL. make my life hell.

Think BIG... well i cant...

I often get stuck with petty things and get all worked out. i need to concentrate with bigger goal in life.
1. i need to switch my current job right now
2. after brushing up with the tech knowledge.
3. and then swich again to a bigger company.

You know what, my mother in law sucks big time. i cant live with her anymore. its like my nerve in my head will explode one day. im sure its the same for her also.
God she is so control freak. i dont know what the fuck she expects from me, kiss her ass?
i mean she wants me to help her, obviously, but when she knows im going to do it, she would do the work so quickly before me that i dont have anything left to do. should i say that she is sweet, she is cooperative. but no, wait, when i sit down that i dont have to work, she gets all so upset, for god know why.
fuck her, and her attitude.
god! and she is not at all sweet spoken. that is the last tone she known. sweetness.
im fucking scared of her. sometimes i feel i should kill her.
there she is sitting in the living room like a demon.
sometimes, no most of the times, i want to feel like im at home, not at an examination center. always calculating, how my act is going to affect somebody's mood.
if only i can go back in time and undo all this mariage thing. i would trade anything in world for that to happen.
FUCK YOU MIL.

My husband wants to have sex with me because he cannot sleep otherwise

I have a weird husband who have sex with only because he cannot sleep sometimes. I'm feeling so depressed these days as no one is there to see me as a person.

For him I'm an object, who is a daughter in law ( read as a free machine who does house hold work along with his mother), a prospective mother ( read as child producing machine).

He is such a bad listener. Who have no interest in knowing my side of the world.

I'm feeling so lonely these days. I love kids. Sometimes I think may be I should have kids of my own but then other times I'm so scared to have kids with this person.

Once he told me that when we will have kids he will not come inside the theatre because he is scared of it.

I'm really really feeling very lonely today. Tears flow my eyes very easily these days. I was once a person who never ever cried for anything. But being married is the worst thing that can happen for me.

PS: In case you are wondering why I married him in the first place. Well welcome to my world. Where arranged marriages are common, where parents are least bothered in selecting the guy.

I'm the spirit, cannot be broken.

I'm not having any major problem, then why am I still struggling? what am I waiting for? Why I feel I'm getting lost, or I'm losing my old self?

And when I gain control over this confusion and decide to ignore it anyway, I find that every one around me is unsure about them self, in some way or the other. And they were posing threat to me. I lose all my anger over them then and there.

One good or bad thing about me is that I don’t react at all, at least don’t react instantly. This gives people time to explain them self, show why they did what they did. And my great soul, I still don’t react. They feel the empty gap and come close to verge of breaking. And I, I still don’t react. That’s who I am. I don’t react. You might say im lost in my own world, but in fact im watching. just plain watching, like how a kid watches you. or how u watch a tv.