Another dream: about intense anger

Yesterday I had a dream. I was walking with my family, as in mother, daughter and aunt. We were then walking through a school ground and all the children were playing on it. There was some kind of uneasiness within me like I felt the kids were rude. Then I clearly heard on girl saying  (forgot the exact sentence, but it was to my daughter falsely accusing of breaking something, but I got pretty worked out hearing it). I was surprised and angry with the creativity of making up something like that. When I turned around I saw a very little girl and my anger even grew. I held her ear and was firmly pinching her and swing to her, how do you come up with such things. For a second I felt good about expressing my anger and was thinking I should handle every situation like this.
Then within a few mins, there were teacher and possibility police around. They called me to meet them. Then I said to my aunt that there has been a problem and please accompany me. I made my mom and my daughter go home. The meeting was in a park, I left my purse and asked my aunt to keep going I will join her after getting my purse. When I went to take the purse, I saw mom had left and left my purse there. Thank God, I came back at the right time to find it. Also, I saw my daughter had puked.
Just then I woke up and the first thought was I should have complained to a teacher instead of handling the matter myself. It was similar to the situation I was in before, where I took my daughter's classmates to home without informing the teacher and thought that informing the parents is more than enough. And unfortunately, his parents didn't lift the phone or siding see my messages.

Women

Sapien is a new book, I am yet to read it. But one sentence in it - a chimpanzee vs a human, chimpanzee would win, but 1000 chimpanzee vs 1000 thousand human, the humans would win. This got me thinking of my earlier statement, 2 women can't live under one roof. I used to think that women are expremely powerful and hence 2 powerful source can't be together it would destroy itself. Like 2 lions don't get along together. But now I am looking at the point of view again. In a house many men's can live together in harmony, although the quality of the life is highly questionable. Women are very particular about the way of life, the can't compromise, small things bug them a lot and they can let go of bigger things. Or is it they are too much occupied in the little things that bigger things don't have the space in their brain. 

Update: as i continued reading the book, the book hints why women are being dominated by men in our society. In some animal kingdom the females dominate, even though the males are physically strong. the reason is in that group the females have higher social skill and they form a community to take care of the kids. while the males are just irresponsible and aggressive once. when any male try to dominate using his physical strength then the group of females trash him. we don't have the unity in women as the chimps. we became submissive and pleasing men because we needed his approval so that he will stick around to share the burden of kids. now, do i wish we were like the chimps? had we humans be female dominating society, would we have made progress the same way we are doing now? or, did we make the mens better by teaching them to be less aggressive, and hence grow up as a society. i admit the progress done by humans as a civilisation is largely due to mens contribution, but still had it been the other way around, what kind of progress would we have made, may be it would have been a totally different kind of progress, like almost no wars and hence all the war related technology and the resultant technology would be missing. but more improvement for social network, organisation, cleanliness, health, food, etc might have been made. - Just a thought!

Life simple or complex

https://youtu.be/BTuU4kwCbVk

Dream about my job

It's long time I blogged.
So I quit my job on 20 April. And it's been 3 months that I am at home enjoying my break.

I had a dream today about my job. I am working in a company that looked like a hole. I had been moved from an assignment because of my "performance" . In my next assignment I was asked to wait for my task. And then in the end , one girl spent 3 hr over a client call which turned out to be an advertisement and she worried what she will fill celoxis task for those 3 hours. I on the other had empty day for most of that day but that worry didn't cross my mind. I was like oh god, something wrong with me I am not efficient. And as the day got closer everyone was asking about their days performance with the lead who by the way was almost a fresher. She was praising all of them who asked, then she pointed out 2 people me and another guy saying we didn't do anything. I was like but you said to wait for your task. Then she said that in my previous assignment she had slept and hence I didn't have a task to do, it is my duty to get the task no matter what. It's then I realized what had happened in my previous assignment, she slept at work and I got the blame. So unfair. She then asked me if I want to go to another cool off period. Then I started pleading from her to give me another chance and asked her if I should just stand on your head for next task and she said yes. Next I was literally standing on top of her head while she was sitting on t he floor and bending and asked me to give me task. It was already 5 and I said  I will stay back till 6 so give me task till 6. She then have something and left. I went to restroom and when I was back the phone seemed to have voice message for my lead. I switched it on but didn't pay too much attention as I didn't understand it. Then a conference call us started with my lead and and manager and others. I didn't realize that and thought it was part of another voice mail. Then I was called loudly, are you there are you there? I again apologised and said I had thought it was a voice message running. I looked silly giving that excuse. And as the call was running someone outsider barged in the office and I was alone there. He then went, commenting I was alone and it would be easier for him to take advantage. He is going to come back. I locked all the doors and screamed my manger name who was also a girl. Said the situation and said I am leaving the office. I had to change my clothes before leaving and I was hurrying up. In that tension I woke up.

It was an exact summary of what had happened in my previous job. So came here to blog it.

Do your job only

Today in my daughter swimming class, there is one teacher and 3 kids taking turn to swim. Then fourth girl comes 6 mins late. Her mom was struggling to put on her swimming googles . The teacher offered to help and spent about a min or two for that. I being the mother of a child who is already on time and waiting for her turn got a bit uncomfortable as in why the teacher offered to help.
I was that teacher in my previous job. Trying to help others and in turn irritated few people who I was accountable to.

Lessons From Mahanathi movie

I saw the biopic movie of the great acress Savithri . Want to jot down few life lessons.
1. Grab opportunity to earn money in the age when you can earn.
2. Save for retirement.
3. Ego from husband is bad, no matter what.
4. Live happily and with love as long as you are alive.

My major negative point

I try to be so nice sometimes that I let go of my basic duties. Stop being nice, concentrate doing things right instead.

Still long way to go

I made a terrible mistake today.
My daughter invited from school a boy to our house. He is supposed to go to day care, but because of my daughter invitation he stayed back. Unfortunately I was feeling sluggish today, and my mom agreed to pick up my daughter from school today. in few mins my mom called and said a boy is coming along with her. His mom is not to be seen. I had no clue what could be happening. I asked her to wait in the school and I walked there to check. This boy said I am coming to your house. One of the other parents said that boy had informed the daycare about his plan. She also insisted that I speak to his parents if I am taking to my house. Initially I was planning to drop him in daycare myself, but somehow I changed my mind. I called his mom and dad but no one picked the phone, so I left them message in WhatsApp. After reaching home, I got a bit rude reply that I should have spoken to them first before taking them to my home. They are good friends to me as well, so I was taken back. When I spoke to them, I learnt that the day care had complained to school that the boy was missing. The school raised a police complaint and informed the parents. They were worried sick. Both of them fled from there office and saw my message only in the train.

Phew, I am such a looser. I always messes up things. Why do I do this? When will I have enough sense? This is my negative point. I want to leave it.

That boy Mon was so smart. She cooks food well, they have 2 sons. The elder one have lots of classes and homework. And she works well in office as well. Her husband says she is good in planning. She goes one day advance in cooking. They eat dinner at 6.30 the thing that was cooked the previous day. And she cuts vegetables on sunday to keep it ready.

I want to be as organized as her, and efficient. She may be 5 years elder to me, after 5 years will I be as smart as her?

Getting better

Today I saw terrible news, a man killed his mother father and brother with an axe. He also attempted to kill his sister who is terribly injured.
He is sentenced for 3 lifetime of imprisonment.
When they showed his face on tv, I felt sorry and pity for him. I wanted to hug him and say it's OK. Why would anyone do such a terrible thing in the world. What made him do that. That has push him this far. How is he coping with it now, after doing such a terrible thing, I am sure he is not feeling any better. He must be felling worst than before. And now the world will treat him all the more bad. How can we heal him. He deserves to feel better and be happy.

I am surprised by my own thought. Did I become a better person that my attitude towards a murderer has changed this much.

My Time line

2018 March 23 - Amma came to Australia
2018 March - Tanusha joined swimming class
2018 Jan 31 -Tanusha joined school
2017 Oct 29 - Amma went to India
2017 May 5 - Tanusha started day care full time
2017 March 5 - 5anusha started day care 2 days a week.
2017 Feb 10 - Tanusha and Amma came to Australia
2017 Jan 1 - Damu started sharing house expenses
2017 Nov 5 - Damu joined work at Qantas
2017 Sep 2 - Drove to blue mountain