My husband wants to have sex with me because he cannot sleep otherwise

I have a weird husband who have sex with only because he cannot sleep sometimes. I'm feeling so depressed these days as no one is there to see me as a person.

For him I'm an object, who is a daughter in law ( read as a free machine who does house hold work along with his mother), a prospective mother ( read as child producing machine).

He is such a bad listener. Who have no interest in knowing my side of the world.

I'm feeling so lonely these days. I love kids. Sometimes I think may be I should have kids of my own but then other times I'm so scared to have kids with this person.

Once he told me that when we will have kids he will not come inside the theatre because he is scared of it.

I'm really really feeling very lonely today. Tears flow my eyes very easily these days. I was once a person who never ever cried for anything. But being married is the worst thing that can happen for me.

PS: In case you are wondering why I married him in the first place. Well welcome to my world. Where arranged marriages are common, where parents are least bothered in selecting the guy.

I'm the spirit, cannot be broken.

I'm not having any major problem, then why am I still struggling? what am I waiting for? Why I feel I'm getting lost, or I'm losing my old self?

And when I gain control over this confusion and decide to ignore it anyway, I find that every one around me is unsure about them self, in some way or the other. And they were posing threat to me. I lose all my anger over them then and there.

One good or bad thing about me is that I don’t react at all, at least don’t react instantly. This gives people time to explain them self, show why they did what they did. And my great soul, I still don’t react. They feel the empty gap and come close to verge of breaking. And I, I still don’t react. That’s who I am. I don’t react. You might say im lost in my own world, but in fact im watching. just plain watching, like how a kid watches you. or how u watch a tv.