Another depressing post

I am facing humiliation. I am 30 and waiting to start living my life. When will my life begin? I am sick of living under someone's watch. I am sick of living under criticising eyes I am sick of living under sarcastic eyes. I am sick of living under disapproval eyes. Where is support system? Whom can I rely on that they won't cause me pain. Who can I rely on that they say encouraging words for my dream. Who can I rely on that they would see bright side of me. Who is there to love n care for me. Who is there to not judge me. Who us there for me with whom I DoNt feel like cutting my throat.
All I am asking is not to love or care and contribute for my dream. All I'm asking is stop bumming me down. Give me some breathing space for my confidence to grow again. Let me grow in my way. I can make it big. Let me see my bright side. Let me feel that I am capable of. Let me smile truly. Let me remember what is like to be happy and energetic.
Will survive this winter?